Millennia’s can and can not benefit from the location-based applications Adriana de Souza e Silva describes because applications like Snapchat give us ways to communicate behind a screen. By having another social media app that uses location based app gives people like us away to the world because everyone knows where you are. But it also let’s us connect with friends who don’t live in the same country or states as us.
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FYP Writing 1: Sabrina 
Your thesis model is great, it may be a little challenging since you are using both if its beneficial and detrimental to your audience. One thing I can say is the first sentence is fine. “By having another social media app that uses location based app gives people like us away to the world because everyone knows where you are. But it also let’s us connect with friends who don’t live in the same country or states as us” you do not need to include this, you can add this information somewhere else in your paper. A thesis should at least be 1-2 sentences.
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Sabrina, great thesis. Your audience of millennials is direct and clear. You also do a great job of connecting Snapchat to being a location-based service. I am not sure about having two reactions, “benefit or not benefiting.” Also discussing how Snapchat connects people from people who don’t live in the same country seems counter to your overall thesis.
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Thanks guys for the feedback.
New thesis: Millennia’s can and can not benefit from the location-based applications Adriana de Souza e Silva describes because applications like Snapchat give us ways to communicate behind a screen.But it also let’s us connect with friends who don’t live in the same country or states as us.
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Sabrina, first, it’s Millennials. Since they are your audience, make sure you’re addressing them correctly. Second, what do you mean by “communicate behind a screen” as a negative? Why is that bad? It allows your audience to talk to the people living far away that you mention in your benefit section. Right now, this seems a bit inconsistent.
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Hi, Thank You for the feedback I will change up my thesis. When I say “communicate behind a screen” being negative because that is how cyber bullying happens. The positive of being behind a screen is that you can talk to friends and family who love far away.
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